Saturday, November 28, 2009
Fly With Me
Here I am stuck at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) waiting for my next flight back to Boise (BOI) with 5 hours to go. I was thinking of whether to rent a car and hit out for lunch or something, but the idea was dropped when I saw the hassles of getting back into the boarding gates. The queue through the X-ray check was crazy, I even decided not to go out for a smoke anymore until I reach BOI.
While flying from Narita (NRT), Tokyo to LAX, I watched the movie,
Julie & Julia. Summary for the movie was that Julia Child & Julie Powell - both of whom wrote memoirs - find their lives intertwined. Though separated by time and space, both women are at
loose ends... until they discover that with the
right combination of passion,
fearlessness and butter,
anything is possible.
It's not much of a movie if you don't understand what the intents of the 2 women were doing. They both started of as not knowing what they really wanted to do in their life. Until by chances & opportunities that they found an aim, something to hold on, to keep their lives going. It's not that they are dying from illness or what, but just that everyone should live with a meaning in their life. You are not even considered alive if you are just a zombie, reacting to daily routine tasks.
I am a
Zombie... I have lived through many experiences, been to many places, seen many people, understanding different behaviors of different many and learning all the meanings of everything that happened, happens for a reason... But I keep asking myself, what do I want to do in my life? I am pretty much of a everything, a Jack-of-All-Trades, a
perfectionist. Others see me as a very focus person, who knew what should be the next best move to take for whatever situations, but I am not sure. Deep down inside, I still don't have an answer to my own question. I got all these
thoughts & directions going in my mind, but it is vague. I need a plan. A solid one, on paper or something. Since I now know that my current career is gonna end at 2012. Maybe I should stop excelling in my current job anymore and divert my attention to my plans instead?
Hmmm..........
Argh. I can't do it. I can't make myself to perform a sloppy job. That's the problem of being a perfectionist. I have been given time, but it's not fulfilling enough. I talk to my inner self when I write. Sometimes I even asked: Is it something normal? Kind of like
self reflection? Good or bad? Am I crazy? Thinking too much? Don't even worry about me, I don't need a therapist, I am mentally well. It only happens when I write... Especially now, alone, looking at people from all walks of life, all over the world passing me by in the airport. Helplessly letting time fly pass me as I just sit and watch...
all gone, just like that... 1:49 PM
Monday, November 2, 2009
Abbreviations
I have setup a countdown sequence... Strangely it is to count down for my days left here because I never believe it... Last time when I was in PC II, I see every rotation of guys who are about to go back home keep counting down until the day they leave the squadron. I always thought they are just losers because it is not the count down to their retirement. They will still need to get their butts kick by the somebody else when they are back in Singapore.
People have ups & downs in their life. I believed that crossing over to PC V is my down decision. Everything seems wrong to me or for me.
My posting is supposed to be a 1-year duration, but due to Organization requirement, mine have been chopped down to 9-months, thus losing my home trip entitlement. (It's ok...)
I am the most current with regards to operating with USAF. AFTO 781 and IMDS are all still at the back of my mind. I thought I was going to take up the secondary appointment of either one, but no. Not even a 2 I/C. My secondary appointment was Sports I/C. I am a Sports I/C, knowledgeable of AFTO 781 and IMDS, handling most of the tasks in the background for the appointed I/C. (It's ok...)
I was a nobody here. Until when I get arrested for speeding, everyone in the squadron from the top to the bottom knows me. The management did my background check, then realized that my CEP is at MWO with past 4 years of P1 & P2 ranking. So what?!
I am fortunate that I was the first qualified WLT. Supposedly my team is to go for a competition but got swapped out by another team, I don't know why. Opportunities for me to redeem myself are given to me and taken away by others. (It's ok...)
And there are people in PC V that have gotten into deep shit. HF induced GAIR. All of them got awarded the ROVW. As for me? I got a 7 weeks ban from driving, 20 hours of community service, 6 months of unsupervised probation and total cost of estimated $1000 fines & etc cost. (It's ok...) Apparently another guy got caught for speeding 30 miles above the speed limit, he got nothing much I guess, still sees him happily everyday. Duhz.
Anyway, by now most in Singapore would have known that the RSAF have 3 new schemes. The MDES is the one applicable to us. The one-time offer now is to those who converts from their current PP1/PP2 scheme will not have any salary adjustment from what you are currently drawing now and your rank will convert as according to the grades in MDES. I should say it is a good scheme, but it is only offered to those without disciplinary actions or bad PES status. Guess what? All those who have got into deep shits are all being offered MDES except me. All of them induced aircraft related accidents/incident that may result in loss of mission/human life. Me? Speeding? I received a letter from HAM, no deal from MDES at the time being. WTF?! HAL came last friday to elaborate more about MDES to those who have yet to convert. After this one-time offer of conversions, those who are selected for MDES the next time will be starting from ground zero. Do you think I will still stay if I were to start as a CPL/3SG? If I was in ST Aerospace or SIA or even USAF, I don't think I will be sack just because of speeding. Fuck shit man! Do government sector personnel get sack from speeding/parking tickets in Singapore? (It's not ok anymore!)
By the way, the management are intending to extend my duration for another 1 or 2 months now. If my morale was still that high, I would have said "hell yeah" to that, but now I guess is "hell no".
After all these spades of chronological events, what have I achieved for my stay here? Nothing good. Extend my miseries here? All achievements are given to others except me. With all that, I should have ample reasons to countdown to go back home... At least I can see my family...
all gone, just like that... 12:34 PM
Here I am stuck at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) waiting for my next flight back to Boise (BOI) with 5 hours to go. I was thinking of whether to rent a car and hit out for lunch or something, but the idea was dropped when I saw the hassles of getting back into the boarding gates. The queue through the X-ray check was crazy, I even decided not to go out for a smoke anymore until I reach BOI.
Kent ZZ