Fly With Me

Here I am stuck at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) waiting for my next flight back to Boise (BOI) with 5 hours to go. I was thinking of whether to rent a car and hit out for lunch or something, but the idea was dropped when I saw the hassles of getting back into the boarding gates. The queue through the X-ray check was crazy, I even decided not to go out for a smoke anymore until I reach BOI.

While flying from Narita (NRT), Tokyo to LAX, I watched the movie, Julie & Julia. Summary for the movie was that Julia Child & Julie Powell - both of whom wrote memoirs - find their lives intertwined. Though separated by time and space, both women are at loose ends... until they discover that with the right combination of passion, fearlessness and butter, anything is possible.

It's not much of a movie if you don't understand what the intents of the 2 women were doing. They both started of as not knowing what they really wanted to do in their life. Until by chances & opportunities that they found an aim, something to hold on, to keep their lives going. It's not that they are dying from illness or what, but just that everyone should live with a meaning in their life. You are not even considered alive if you are just a zombie, reacting to daily routine tasks.

I am a Zombie... I have lived through many experiences, been to many places, seen many people, understanding different behaviors of different many and learning all the meanings of everything that happened, happens for a reason... But I keep asking myself, what do I want to do in my life? I am pretty much of a everything, a Jack-of-All-Trades, a perfectionist. Others see me as a very focus person, who knew what should be the next best move to take for whatever situations, but I am not sure. Deep down inside, I still don't have an answer to my own question. I got all these thoughts & directions going in my mind, but it is vague. I need a plan. A solid one, on paper or something. Since I now know that my current career is gonna end at 2012. Maybe I should stop excelling in my current job anymore and divert my attention to my plans instead?

Hmmm..........

Argh. I can't do it. I can't make myself to perform a sloppy job. That's the problem of being a perfectionist. I have been given time, but it's not fulfilling enough. I talk to my inner self when I write. Sometimes I even asked: Is it something normal? Kind of like self reflection? Good or bad? Am I crazy? Thinking too much? Don't even worry about me, I don't need a therapist, I am mentally well. It only happens when I write... Especially now, alone, looking at people from all walks of life, all over the world passing me by in the airport. Helplessly letting time fly pass me as I just sit and watch...

all gone, just like that... 1:49 PM