Will You Notice Me?

After thinking about my life for sometime, I realised that I am invisible...

Those that I thought are my friends, aren't much of a friend anymore. When they go overseas, be it for work or studies, we promised to meet up when they are back, but somehow when they returned, they don't even bother to say "Hi". They can be happily partying without me. They can even make an appointment with me for dinner and forgot about it! And telling me that they are gonna watch a movie instead... After a few incidents, I realised that how much I weigh among their peers. Fuck it! It's just a waste of both parties' time when I am trying so hard. I will drop them off my list anyway...

I guess even if one day I am not in this world anymore, nobody will even realise it. My presence is only noticed if those so call "friends" need help from me. Whenever my MSN or cellphone rings, 90% will be those S.O.S. calls. Until then they will find out that I am dead. I hardly ever hear people asking me for coffee with no intentions or just chill out sessions for fun (none other than Ice). Maybe its just that I was away for some time. Argh, whatever... To the hell with everybody... I don't need no one else no more... I will just be fine walking alone... Peerless...

all gone, just like that... 12:32 PM

The Name Game

I am Kenji...

I was born as <姚江龙> then as time goes by, I adapted <けんじ> when I was studying Japanese language during my Nanyang Polytechnic days. I kind of like that name alot. Haven't hear people calling me that name for quite sometime already. Only until recently when I was back in Singapore then I hear it again...

Just before I went to the States in 2006, I revamped my name to <姚宗泽, Kent> due to some Fengshui stuffs from my mum... Made me get a lawyer to draft a deed poll for my name change and to go through all the trouble of re-doing my Identity Card, Passport and amending all relevant documents that are under my name. I don't know if it is for the good or the bad, but my life still goes on. I am still as optimistic...

Friends or people that I come across of now will know me as Kent, whereas out on the streets, I will still hear 江龙 or けんじ being called by friends of mine since the good old days...

Talking about names, I read an article that parents nowadays give the stupidest name to their children. I wonder what was on their mind when the name of their child was to be registered at the point of time...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080724/ap_on_re_au_an/new_zealand_bizarre_names;_ylt=AioekijTU22sLpiL7FycLv8DW7oF

all gone, just like that... 7:17 PM

Isolate

Just quarrelled with my mum...

It's been a long time since this happened because of me being not around at home for the past few years. Fuck shit... What I am writing now is not because of anger. I am in a clear mind.

I hate staying here. Everything is so good when I am out of this country. No stress, no nothing. Stress is only just some mental illness if you have a weak mind because you can't deal with it. I have so much time when I am outside, I can do so many fruitful things to add colours to my life. Here? It's shit. It's all about money. Even the news are all reporting about prices hike of resources. Nothing is new here. Everything so predictable. Everybody is just asking for more. Sit around doing nothing about it. All they need to do is to just withdraw it from the ATM. My ATM. Why does everybody around me have such a shallow mind? They only can try to solve problems in front of them, soon after solving one, another one will pop up again. Why can't they see farther and get to the root of the problems? Keep talking about the past is of no use now. Try talk about the future. What do they see? Nothing because they don't want to do anything to it. While I am here trying to keep up with their demands, yet they can tell me to wind down my business to give them the money they need for coping with their "tomorrow".

Fine. When I have enough, I will wind down everything and leave this fuck shit place alone...

all gone, just like that... 11:26 PM